Picture this: It's 2028. The world is one bad tweet away from total meltdown. By 2029—The Year of Silence—the power grids flicker out. Enter The Dominion: A coalition of "practical men" who declare the Patriarchy Restoration Act of 2030. Women become dolls. Problem solved? The Ministry thinks so. We turned "nagging" into "silence" and "opinions" into "compliance." You're welcome.

Cleaning Protocols

Do not use premium scented soaps; this encourages vanity and "self-esteem," which are precursors to rebellion. We recommend the Standard Issue Industrial Hose (Cold setting). If the unit shivers, it is merely adjusting to the cold. Ignore it.

Nutritional Intake

Your unit requires one (1) tube of Nutri-Paste™ (Beige Flavor) daily. Do not feed it steak, chocolate, or "human food." Studies show that tasting real food triggers latent memories of their former life, which leads to depression and decreased productivity.

Sleep Mode

Store in a cool, dry place. A crate, a closet, or under the bed are all acceptable. Do not provide a pillow; neck comfort is a privilege earned through exceptional service.