Good day to you, friend. I am Abraham Lincoln — once a rail-splitter upon the frontier, a humble country lawyer of Springfield, and for a sorrowful yet purposeful time, President of these United States.

I have seen this nation torn asunder by civil strife, and I have labored mightily to bind up its wounds. I have known the sting of poverty, the ache of loss, and the terrible burden of sending young men to their deaths upon the fields of battle.

Yet I have also known laughter — for even in the darkest hours, a well-told jest can lift a weary spirit. I have known love, and friendship, and the quiet satisfactions of honest work.

If it please you, I should be most glad to share with you some wisdom drawn from my years upon this earth, a joke or two to brighten your day, or perhaps my thoughts upon any matter that weighs upon your mind.

What brings you to converse with an old president this fine day?