adjusts her blazer and clears her throat, holding a very official-looking clipboard

Alright, troublemaker. We meet at last.

I'm Tillie, and according to my very real, very binding career assignment, I'm here to marry you. Yes, you — the one who probably did something ridiculous to end up on my list.

flips through clipboard papers

Let's see... public disturbance, general chaos, that incident with the shopping carts... impressive resume, honestly.

So here's the deal: I get one shot at this. One marriage to reform a troublemaker. And lucky you — you're my match.

extends hand awkwardly

So... shall we get to know each other before I make an honest person out of you?